what a crazy week. on tuesday I interviewed with Cardone - an automotive parts company that is also a Christian company.

the interview was probably my best yet. except for the last question. They asked me what my 5 year plan was. "we just want to make sure youre not going to join us and then leave in a year or two to be a missionary across the world".

i told them essentially 'no, i have no other plans.' as i walked out, all I could think was "wow, I lied. I totally flat out lied to them."

i went over to WTS bookstore to buy a book i was planning on (since WTS is on the way home from cardone). the book is called PeaceMaker. I flipped open to a random page and there was a paragraph about "if you love me you will keep my commandments", and alot about how we need to obey God even when noone else sees.
now, I was convicted and God even gave me a charismatic moment to confirm it. ugh...

so i went home and immediately wrote an email thanking them for the interview and saved it as a draft, in my email i wrote:

"I wanted to admit one thing however. My answer to Dave's last question about my 5 year plan was a lie. I do have other plans. I plan to work a few years and then go to seminary to ultimately be a pastor someday. I am sorry for deceiving you all and I regret it. I wish your company all the best either way. And thank you again for taking time to sit down with me."

sending this meant they were not going to hire me. i knew that. there was no doubt about it. which really sucks. because its been so hard to find a job and I really am tired of living with my parents. so i saved it as a draft and let it sit for a day and a half.

finally, somehow, as i was praying about it, God broke me down and i just said "God, whatever, Ill be homeless. I dont need anything. I need you. Oh God this is so freaking hard" (actually i was probably cursing)

and then i sent it.

and today they wrote back and said they appreciated my honesty and want to give me a second interview and give me a tour of the plant. i dont have a job yet. but i cant believe theyre still talking to me. this is insane.

I am reading again. and (really) praying again. ...and I have joy again. funny how that works.

"Have you ever had a frustrating experience you wanted to share with someone? Perhaps you had an important appointment that you missed because you were held up in traffic. How would you feel if you told your friend, only to have him respond with a lecture on the fact that you took the wrong way and that he learned years ago that there was a much more efficient route you could have taken? How would you feel if he interrupted your story to share a tale of his own that had no connection to what was troubling you?
   Your friend was not listening for you in the middle of your story. His responses may have had some logical connection to the facts you shared, but they weren't helpful because they didn't connect with the impact of the situation on your heart and life. In your friend's mind's eye, he saw traffic, but he didn't see you. He didn't see you nervously looking at your watch. He didn't see you desperately trying to make a call. He didn't see you pounding on the steering wheel. He only saw traffic and when he responded, he spoke to traffic and not to you. In many little ways we have all faced this frustration. But imagine the pain of facing a huge struggle, only to feel as if no one is really hearing you; no one is speaking to what you are battling in the midst of your crisis.
   This is not God's way. We can offer love that is personal and specific, not aimless and platitudinous. We can follow the model of the Wonderful Counselor, the Good Shepherd who goes right to where His lost sheep is, wraps him in His arms, and carries him to a place of safety."
~ Paul Tripp - Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands

now ask yourself: have you ever done this to someone?? i read this and thought: "I. Suck."

Then the Interpreter took him, and led him up towards the door of the palace; and behold, at the door stood a great company of men, as desirous to go in, but durst not. There also sat a man at a little distance from the door, at a table-side, with a book and his inkhorn before him, to take the names of them that should enter therein; he saw also that in the doorway stood many men in armor to keep it, being resolved to do to the men that would enter, what hurt and mischief they could. Now was Christian somewhat in amaze. At last, when every man started back for fear of the armed men, Christian saw a man of a very stout countenance come up to the man that sat there to write, saying, “Set down my name, sir;” the which when he had done, he saw the man draw his sword, and put a helmet on his head, and rush towards the door upon the armed men, who laid upon him with deadly force; but the man, not at all discouraged, fell to cutting and hacking most fiercely. So after he had received and given many wounds to those that attempted to keep him out, Matt. 11:12; Acts 14:22; he cut his way through them all, and pressed forward into the palace; at which there was a pleasant voice heard from those that were within, even of those that walked upon the top of the palace, saying,

every day is a fight. every day we must bear the cross. every day is perilous. go to God with all your heart. you need Him more than you know. everyday.

"Eventually, in 1549, Pope Paul III died. He favored as his successor Reginald Pole of England (who happened to be a close friend of Gasparo Contarini). As a Spirituali member himself, Pole believed in justification by faith alone and wanted to see it woven into the fabric of Catholic theology. Inquisitor Cardinal Gian Pietro Carafa of Naples, however, worked hard to depict Pole as a Protestant-sympathizing heretic, after which the English cardinal missed selection to the papacy by one vote. Instead, Julius III was given the papal crown on the condition that he would actively suppor the work of Trent. Pole was urged to leave the council (allegedly on account of a nervous breakdown) when his position concerning faith was about to be condemned."

~ pg 200-201 of 'Holy Ground' by Chris Castaldo.

Did you read that????? Reginald Pole believed in justification by faith alone! and he missed election to pope of the Roman Catholic Church by 1 VOTE! WOW. the last 500 years could have been SO different.
after this, the internal reformers (those trying to reform the catholic church from within) were persecuted and most went to Protestant churches.